Friends.

       I don't really know what is happening but my project group is in a mess right now. I wanna give up so badly. I just want someone to talk to and tell them how tired I am. To be honest whatever I do to help it is like U S E L E S S so what is the point of helping. We used to be best friends but now everything is falling apart. Sigh now I seriously don't know what to do to help the group. I feel like even if it is not my fault everyone will still hate on me and blame me. How I wish I have the ability to read someone's mind.

       I am the type of person that is straightforward and I always want to know the truth. For example, if you don't like me just tell me because I honestly hate to be in the dark and I will always feel hurt. I am actually guilty for ignoring people when I'm angry but I will still try my best to calm myself down to talk to that person. I don't really like to be ignored because it will make me look like a stupid.

       I have seniors telling me to not care when there are conflicts and let them settle themselves. I am trying and I don't wanna side anyone because I don't want to hurt anyone. Whenever there is a conflict, I think no one is totally right or wrong so I don't know how to help. I decided not to care but because they are my close friends, I would wanna at least be their listening ears.
        Jealousy. A feeling that no one likes to have it. Sometimes I just can't help myself feeling jealous. I'm probably replaced by someone. I am not like important to everyone anymore because they have their own life. I am actually kinda happy when I found someone feeling the same as me. At least I know that I am not overthinking because there are people agreeing with me.. I don't really wanna say too much because I don't want to break any of our friendship. It is okay. I have to accept the fact that I am probably an option in everyone's life. Whenever I try to care,I don't mind if no one appreciate it because I always believe they do appreciate it. No one is bad person. It's okay if I am an option to everyone but all I wanna say is that I know I did try to be a listening ear for everyone...

me...

         I shall stay happy and try to help as much as I can.. Sometimes over helping is only making the things worst.. so why not just shut up... I have to accept the fact that everything has change..

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How should I feel now

I have been scolded quite badly lately. Someone said I'm fierce and I do agree that my temper sucks. Sometimes I really don't even know what is the point of being alive. I hate the fact that my parents actually brought me to this world. Happiness is so short. It can't even last for fuking 24 hours. Everything is just a dream. Lies everywhere. Sometimes all I want is someone to be there for me to rant to. Guess what. The person I use to rant to is now the one scolding me. Is it wrong to be insecure? Why does it seems like everthing i does is all wrong. I don't know how should I feel right now. Things are getting harder each day. I feel like giving up on everything I have. I just wanna feel some love but where is the love. It's just me. I'm never good enough for anyone..

    It should be a happy day but it seems like I'm spoiling it. I just want to cry to sleep and never wake up. I'm those type of people who tends to overthink a lot but whenever I tweet about my feelings I get scolded. I do find  myself a pain in everyone's ass because I keep spamming their timeline.
     Actually while typing this, I'm sort of doing reflection. I can't take jokes. I rage easily especially when I'm in the bad mood. Sometimes I just wanna sleep until Poly because secondary life is too too tiring. I am so use to being emo on twitter and now you want me to be happy. I mean it is difficult for me to change. I did try my best it's just that you didn't see it.. 
     Whenever I hear someone saying they are having tough life and stuff,I always think that I'm in a worst situation than them. I cared so much but actually who will appreciate it.. My friends? They all have their own bffs. tbh I'm thankful for Janis,Kim,Rei,Mel and other ppl. They do care for me but it's just that I don't know how to appreciate. I don't wanna say too much because I feel like I should be blamed because of my bad temper. I should learn to stay calmer. Are you willing to give me time or you have already given up on me? 

to myself and others who are facing same problem as me

Short post but this is all i wanna say. 
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